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the-chemical-factory's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
intj / lebanese canadian
i like intersectional feminism and writing shit down ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

may 2016 update: going to start using this account & writing poetry again


33 deviations

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i could see the peak of bruised shoulders
beneath his baggy shirt.

i remember one friday he just sat in the corner with his arm hung in a sling –
the aftermath of getting stomped on.
he cried the whole time.
i was a child and i didn’t understand.

i asked my mum why and she just said,
"his father is a bad man."

he grew up,
first spending his days with
innocent little mary jane,
who made his mother sigh with worry,
but now it's so much worse
because hospitals are home.

he still loves and hates
the man who killed
his childhood and
killed our friendship.

he turned into that man
and i hardly noticed it happen.

i had hoped he would grow to be
better than his daddy  -
i can't even begin to count
all these self-fulfilled prophecies.

this is familiarity in its
ugliest form.

so sit tight,
sit pretty,
and whatever you do,
don’t scream.

he just lets those angels sing
and make him sweat
like each night he drinks:
head spinning while he laughs,
loving everyone in the room,
loving everyone but himself.
but isn't that the way it always goes?


years ago,
there was a fire
down the street.

we saw the smoke
making its way into the sky
from my house
at the top of the hill.

we saw the smoke,
and our young eyes
were wide and full of
wonder as we stood at the window,
where we had just watched fireworks
a few weeks earlier.

nothing has changed
and those dead kids still visit me
every night to curse me
for my morbid curiosity.

but wasn't he
just as curious as i was?
yes, i could tell
with the way his small,
eager fingers
wrapped around my wrist
and we ran to the window.

"look!" he pointed.
and i wondered, out loud,
if they were screaming.


as a child,
i stared down at my hands -
so small
and he liked to crush them between
his palms.

"it hurts," i said.
"i'm just holding your hand."
"it hurts."
"i'm sorry," he said, "you're my favorite."

today, i get out of my car and walk down to the beach.
i bend down and let my hand graze the cold water, still so small.
i suddenly feel like i am trying to do the impossible,
like i am trying to catch the salt in the clear ocean water.
i suddenly feel dirty.
i draw away from the tide before i can taint it
and make my way home.


i saw that boy
cry again
eight years later
but i pretended not to because
i know that's what he would have wanted.  

so i just left him standing there,
alone in the school hallway.

i'm not his favorite anymore,
but it's okay.
he still smiles at me -
he smiled
and i knew what i did was right.
every other friday
old stuff about this kid i used to be friends with
and if it's any consolation, he's okay now 
i saw him last week which is perhaps why i'm revisiting this 
i was tagged by XSwan-SongX

First up, the rules! 
1. You have to post these rules.
2. Each person has to share 10 things about them.
3. Answer the 10 questions asked to you and invent 10 questions the people you tag will have to answer.
4. Choose 10 people
5. You have to tag 10 people.
6. Tag-backs are ALLOWED.
7. Be creative with the title. No "I've Got Tagged" things. 
8. You can't say you don't do tags.

10 things about myself: 
- my name is adriana (i was going to be named mouna, but my dad likes spanish names + grew up in spain after escaping war)</span>
i have dual citizenship (canada and lebanon) proudly middle eastern~~~ 
- i collect various kinds of dolls, my current obsession is ball jointed dolls :~) i currently have ten of them 
- last february i was diagnosed with BPD and social anxiety disorder 
- i'm a fan of cartoons (adventure time, south park, regular show, etc) 
- i am finished schooling (studied sociology post-grad) and now work for a liquor distributor 
- i have two siblings (both younger, a sister and a brother) 
- one time i met two online friends IRL (one from california and one from australia) and we went to disney world together and it was the most amazing time of my life 
i'm a vegan (lolol and no this isn't the first thing i tell people i meet) 
- i currently have a bad cold and it's suuuper annoying D: 

now for the questions - 

1.) Favourite animal? (real or mythical)
i like all animals tbh but i am a super fan of cats and bunnies 

2.) What is your pet hate? 
people who try to tell me how i should think
people who think it's "edgy" to treat people like crap 
internet trolls

3.) Favourite myth / legend? Why is it your favourite? 
i really like the cult of cthulhu hahaha hope that counts, the entire story of his entity and purpose are neat 
atlantis interests me, too! deep sea stuff always catches my interest 
i also like mermaids i think they are conceptually very interesting but i feel like if they were discovered to be real then we as humans would decide to hunt/capture/dissect them and it'd be sad 

4.) What famous person would you most want to meet irl? 
probably matt stone and trey parker haha i would want to interview them 

5.) Doctor Who, Star Wars or Transformers? 
star wars! when i was little my parents would just leave me in front of the TV watching the old trilogy, i was so into it haha i haven't watched any of the new movies yet, but i want to soon

6.) Do you like big rollercoasters / theme park rides?
heck yeah as long as the drops aren't too much longer than splash mountain or universal's jurassic park ride (i stg i screamed so loud when i went on that, i did not know what to expect before the drop my friends said it was really slow and shit they lieeed) disney world and universal studios are probably my favorite places in the world c: i love all the roller coasters in magic kingdom so much. 

7.) Ocean or space? Why? 

tough one, they both kind of freak me out 
i am really interested in reading about/looking at pictures of ship wrecks underwater and deep sea creatures 
i think with both the ocean and outer space, so much is unknown
like, are aliens real? maybe 

8.) Favourite artist / writer? 
kaneoya sachiko + poppy z brite + haruki murakami 

9.) If you were a dragon, what would you want to look like? 
really huge and badass so no one would frick with me c;

10.) Is there anything you want to tell me?
i'm glad we're mutuals!

my 10 questions: 
1. are you involved in any fandoms? who is your favorite fictional character and why? 
2. apart from writing, do you have any other hobbies?
3. how far have you travelled away from your home country? if you haven't travelled, where would you like to go someday?
4. what is your favorite movie and why? if you can't pick one favorite, just tell me about one you like instead. 
5. if atlantis was discovered, would you want to visit? 
6. how would you describe your fashion sense? 
7. where do you draw inspiration from? 
8. what is your favorite kind of weather and why? 
9. do you have plans for the summer? if you're not in a country where summer break is coming, then what are your plans for your next break/weekend? 
10. what makes you happy? 

i'm always so bad with tagging people buuut 
i will tag back XSwan-SongX
and also tag

do it if you want to c: 
or if you don't want to do a journal you can answer in the comment section, 'cause i'm always happy to learn more about people i follow/who follow me
haha sorry i couldn't tag 10 people, i used to have a huge community of people on here but i left for years and now that i'm back most people i used to chat with don't use DA anymore oops 

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you say i have no heart,
no empathy,
but i can fake it
and i fake it so well
because no one knows.
no one catches my lies
when they’re still on
the tip of my tongue
or when they’re rolling off.

i’m always too much
or too little
of something –
of everything.

“you know,
i think i’d like you more
if you weren’t

you say i’m cold.
you want me nonetheless,
but you want me
             to change.

contention hits me like a fist
and i am trapped –
wrapped between you and your words.
they swim around the room,
taunting me.
i close my eyes
and they make their way
down my throat.
it’s bitter, like salt
or cum
or a cup of bad coffee.
i go rigid.
the room is suddenly an ocean
conflict is the waves
crashing up against my rocky spine.

"this is what 
a real girl should be."

hell isn't a fiery pit, 
it's here
and hell isn’t just 
for the devil,
it's for us. 

my face reddens.
i’m angry and
i give myself away.
i give myself away to the first person
who isn’t you
and he's new
and he's different.

he tells me to fuck him
like a man would fuck a woman
and i do,
thinking about how much
i hate you. 


i tried to say
people are people and
people are flawed. 
we hurt, 
we fuck,
we feel, 
just like any other 
but it never quite sank in.

i’m not crying –
i’m not trying,
not anymore.  

i bury myself.
i bury myself in books,
in work,
in anything but you
and the rest is lost
in translation.
here i am
with fingers wax and weaving,
those fingers he loves so much.

i run a hand over my face
and press down,
touching those familiar wounds –
some old 
and some new. 

he slinks around the room
like a vulture:
it's his body versus mine
and i close my eyes,
pretending to be asleep
and these are just dreams –
just nightmares,
his hands in places.

a stray cat screams,
strangers laugh,
spinning in circles
and vomiting on the sidewalk.

here's to us –
all we are and
all we'll ever be. 

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linguistic-linguine Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2016
Please follow me on linguistic-linguine. I cannot login to toxiicate due to some cache/IP issues, and an email has already been addressed to dA staff. In the case that I cannot salvage that account, please watch me here.
IdyllicSiren Featured By Owner May 17, 2016  Student Writer
Your account is rad! Thanks for the watch :)
the-chemical-factory Featured By Owner May 17, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
thank you as well!! c:
DameVulpes Featured By Owner May 15, 2016  Student Writer
Thank you so much for the watch! :heart:
nawkaman Featured By Owner May 6, 2016
thanks so much for the watch! :heart:
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