literature

lament

Deviation Actions

Published: Jun 25, 2010

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Literature Text

i.

the simple sound of his name
is a grievance
but you, on the other hand,
are a writer –
a glorious indulgence,
notorious
for not giving a damn
that he doesn't
pay attention to
the curve of your hips,
or the way your furniture
is placed,
or the pictures on the wall
(and if he did
he would notice
that not one of them
is of him)
but
the little things
aren't important –
not anymore.

he tells you, "it is impossible to please
everyone so please yourself first"
and you tell him,
"you should try taking your own advice"
but he never
fucking
does.

ii.

he doesn't believe in god
because he knows,
he just knows
that he won't make it into heaven
and right now,
right now
you're scared to touch him –
to put your arms around him
because what if you do touch him
and
what if his brittle bones
finally collapse?

you don't believe in god either,
but you often catch yourself
praying
for him to get better.

iii.

you look at him
as he tries to telepathically communicate
how fucking sorry he is.

you're wearing his sweater and
it makes you sick to remember how
the doctors all said he was never
"all there" in the head as he cried
his heart was heavy.
you could feel the weight loss
as he sold it.

iv.

tomorrow
he will leave.

you will wear
his clothes to bed and
try not to think
about where he is
or how he is doing –
you won't think
about anything at all.

you will just sit alone on
the same bed you were in
when you met him
and you will
close your eyes.