she likes to pretend –
she likes to pretend she is beautiful.
she likes to pretend she didn't forget
what color his eyes were.
she likes to pretend she still had
a million reasons to live.
she likes to pretend she still had him.
she likes to pretend she's not really dying inside.
___

he liked to write –
he liked to write her love songs.
he liked to write her poetry about how
the stars were aligned for them.
[and oh, they were.]
____

lies rolled off her tongue, almost naturally and
she was never good at keeping secrets –
especially not his secrets.
she told everyone about the boy with coke-eyes and the almost-smile.
she told everyone about the boy who lived on the california shore.
she told everyone about the day the tide got too high.
she told everyone that he couldn't swim.
____

today she sits down with a cup of tea and
remembers the day they pulled his body out of the water.
his skin was cold, white and she stared at him as if
she was waiting for something –
for his eyes to open, but she knew they wouldn't.
on that day, she stopped hearing music in his heartbeats.

she wishes she never ran out of reasons to stop smiling.
she wishes they were sixteen again, sixteen and living.