tuesday, march 10/09
dear boy,

last night you told me your secrets. you told me about how you once bought a stuffed animal because you were lonely and wanted someone to talk to. you told me about how you would like to try skydiving someday because just once in your life you wanted to take a risk. you told me about how you like to dip your fries in your milkshake and you told me about how you cry whenever it rains, then you kissed my lips to my hips and worked your way down.

-

today we sit in your room, drinking cans of green tea as the sun poured through the curtains over your naked body.

you tell me broken hearts stay broken and i didn’t say anything, i just listened to you and watched our shadows moving on the wall.






sunday, april 17/09
dear boy,

we sat at the lake and watched the sun go down, but we didn’t talk. we don’t talk often anymore, we just sit in silence. you watch me taking photographs of the horizon and i pretend not to notice you staring.

we return to your house and ten minutes later we were drunk. fifteen minutes later we were naked. twenty minutes later –

i felt sick, but i would rather have done this than talk.

-

after i heard you calling my name. i pretended to be asleep, but i think you knew i was faking.






friday, april 24/09
dear boy,

i didn’t remember that yesterday was your birthday. you don’t smile your crooked smile and say hi to me anymore when our paths cross in the school hallway.

that’s probably why i didn’t remember.

-

“you can’t buy love.”

“but you didn't pay me.”

“it’s the same thing.”






saturday, june 20/09
dear boy,

today i came home, went straight to my room and collapsed on my bed, repeating “i’m better off without you” because i know i am.

tonight i’ll turn the lights off and go to sleep, pretending you never happened because i’m sure that’s what you’re doing too.

someday i’ll find someone new, different and unmapped. he’ll be pretty paper lace. he’ll have your same crooked smile and your same throaty laugh.

he'll be beautiful and perfect –
maybe almost as beautiful as you.






sunday, july 12/09
dear boy,

sometimes i see your eyes and they still flicker with hope. someday soon you'll find your way. in the mean time, have fun selling your body, pretty sir.